Once upon a time there was a man who lived in a tall glass tower in a large kingdom. This man believed he was the greatest and he surrounded himself with gold and marble and many fine luxuries, but the man was unhappy. He was bored and when he was bored everyone around him suffered, none more than his servants.
One really bad day, his most faithful manservant said, “Why not become the ruler of the kingdom, then you won’t have time to be bored?”
The man thought about this, but he didn’t want to rule the kingdom. He knew nothing about it. But, the seed had been planted and he liked the idea of winning, of being number one in all the land. So on a whim, the man threw his hat into the ring.
“I won’t win,” he told the manservant. “How could I possibly beat all those statesmen who know what they’re doing and I haven’t a clue? Still, it’ll be interesting to see how far I can go.”
The man began his campaign and the servants were happy the man was occupied, especially his wife, who was nothing more than a servant herself, but with benefits. What the man, however, didn’t see coming was the people in his kingdom were taking him seriously. They began to rally around him, to admire him. For the first time, people who weren’t paid to do so, were listening to him. This stroked the man’s inflated ego to no end.
The man began to realize he could win; he could become the ruler of this kingdom. And because the man was a narcissist this delighted him, but the man didn’t really want the task. His life had been one of ease where people served him and not he the people. So the idea of winning frightened him and he summoned his faithful servant.
“I’m in a bind. Yes, I’m in a bind.” The man told his servant. “The masses are like sheep, like sheep. They don’t think, they follow, and there’s enough of them to elect me. What should I do? What should I do?” The man loved the sound of his own voice and therefore often repeated what he had already said.
“Do you want to rule the kingdom or don’t you?” his manservant asked.
“No! Well, yes…well, no? I don’t know!” The man thought about all the responsibilities awaiting him if he did win and he thought about all the leisure time on the golf course he would miss. “No, I don’t want to be the ruler. What am I to do?”
The servant smiled. “It’s simple, sire, show them who you truly are. Tell them what you really think. Don’t hold back. Surely, that will stop the masses from supporting you when they know your true heart.
“Brilliant!” the man said. “Brilliant
And so the man gave speeches and did his best to turn the people against him:
1. “Part of the beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”
2. “The point is, you can never be too greedy.”
3. “What do I know about it? All I know is what’s on the internet.”
4. “It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!”
5. “I alone can fix it.”
6. “Laziness is a trait in blacks.”
7. “I know nothing about David Duke; I know nothing about white supremacists.”
8. “He’s not a war hero. He was a war hero because he was captured. I like people who weren’t captured.”
9. “I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier.
10. (On foreign policy.) “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things.”
11. “Why can’t we use nuclear weapons?”
12. “And Brexit? Your position?”
13. (Asked if he would start a war with China.) “Who knows?”
14. “Vladimir Putin is not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not gonna go into Ukraine, all right?
15. “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems…They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
16. “I will build a great wall – and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me – and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”
17. “I’ve been treated very unfairly by this judge. Now, this judge is of Mexican heritage. I’m building a wall, OK? I’m building a wall.”
18. “Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!”
19. “(I) Donald J Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States, until our country’s representatives can figure out what the hell is going on.”
20. “…I was down there and I watched our police and our firemen down at 7/11, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down.
21. “I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in Jersey City, New Jersey, where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.”
22. “I do know what to do and I would know how to bring ISIS to the table or, beyond that, defeat ISIS very quickly. And I’m not gonna tell you what it is…”
23. “I would bring back waterboarding and I’d bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding.”
24. “The other thing with the terrorists is you have to take out their families, when you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families.”
25. “Torture works, OK folks?”
26. “Women who seek abortions should be punished.”
27. “You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her — wherever. ”
28. “Look at that face. Would anyone vote for that?”
29. “You know, it really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”
30, “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”
31. “How stupid are the people of Iowa?”
32. “We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”
33. “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.”
Still, the more outrageous the man became, the more the people wanted him. The megalomaniac part of the man got caught up in the whirlwind and now he really did want to rule the kingdom.
But have no fear, only half of the kingdom was blinded by the man. The other half was just as unhappy with the maiden who had risen up unfairly and had slain a knight in shining armor.
The people of the kingdom were saddened. What choice did they have for a ruler? A thin skinned man who could blow up the entire kingdom, or a lady they couldn’t trust? With heavy hearts they chose the maiden who was the lesser of two evils, but two evils nonetheless.
And so, the people of the kingdom, without a truly beloved leader, were destined to not live happily ever after for the next four years. (…and maybe longer.)
Maya Muses: The End.