It’s All Maya!

If Life is an illusion, then why do I keep banging my head against the wall?

Si la Vie est une illusion, pourquoi je n'arrête pas de me taper la tête sur les murs?

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I Miss Her Already

January 26th, 2018 · 2 Comments


The days of caring for my mum are winding down and I miss her already. These months have gone by fast and they’ve gone by slowly, and truth be told, it hasn’t always been easy. Quite the opposite. But there were moments that I’ll cherish with her forever, moments when my old mum came shining through her dementia and she joked and laughed and sang.

A few weeks ago mum’s hair was in desperate need of a trim and my cousin Arianna who is a professional hair and makeup artist offered to come over and cut mum’s hair. Ari’s daily schedule is often busy so we set an appointment for 10:30. Mum was tired that morning, but around 10 am I told her…

Mum, Arianna’s coming over to cut your hair today.
Okay. (She continued lying on the couch.)
Mum, you’re going to have to get up soon because Ari’s busy and she can’t stay long.
Okay. (Mum didn’t want to get up and it was already 10:20.)
Mum, she’ll be coming…
(Mum broke into song.) “…around the mountain when she comes. She’ll be com’in round the mountain when she comes…”

I was so stunned, all I could do was laugh and join in. We sang both versus of that song all the way through.

On her good days mum tells me I should go home to France where I belong. I admit I’ve missed my life in Paris, I miss writing for hours each day, I miss dining with Patrick each evening and sharing a glass (or two) of wine, but I know when I’ll be home, I’ll think of my mum and I’m going to miss her because I miss her already.

Mum and Me

As I write, mum is napping on the couch beside me and it’s a moment of quietude where it’s just her and I as it has been these past several months. I’m not going to sugarcoat dementia. Oh no, taking care of her wasn’t easy and the hardest part was not getting a full night’s sleep because mum gets up every few hours 24/7. But I look at her now sleeping like a baby and I miss her already.

Throughout her life, mum has always given more than she’s received and once again mum has given me more than the care I’ve given her these past few months. She opened my eyes to aging, to not taking my health for granted, to do the things I want to do now before I’m too old to do them. I used to think like this when I was younger, what happened?

When I was young I was going to do the things I wanted to do and travel to the places I wanted to see before I got too old. And thankfully I have and I did. But with the years and being blessed with good health (I knock on wood) I’ve become complacent. No more, thanks to my mum. Once again I know I can’t put things off until mañana. There are things I still want to do and places I still want to see and I know tomorrow is not the time, I need to do them now while I can.

Mum and Me Too

Maya Muses: Thank you, mum. Thank you for reminding me to live today.

When I say goodbye to my mum in a few days I’ll remember the good times, the times we laughed and sang together, the times we worked on jigsaw puzzles and played candy crush together, the times when she awoke from her dementia to tell me stories from her past that I didn’t know about, the times I held her in my arms, the times I put her to bed and she recited her prayers to me like a sweet child and the times I watched her sleep.

I know I will miss my mum because I miss her already.


Tags: Is Anyone Listening? · Special Moments

2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jeanpierre // Jan 31, 2018 at 7:12 am

    Embrasse ta Maman pour moi,

    j’aurais toujours,
    autant de joie à la revoir,
    que de tristesse à la quitter…


  • 2 Lynn // Feb 6, 2018 at 8:08 am

    Merci, Jean-Pierre, c’est mes sentiments exacte… comme j’ai l’écrit, elle me manque déjà.

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