It’s All Maya!

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Frenchmen – Is He Or Isn’t He Just Not That Into You?

November 19th, 2008 · 73 Comments

He’s just not that into you.

Don’t ask me how I got to reading a post about an American girl living in the suburbs of Paris, because I truly can’t remember.  Anyway, I left a comment on her blog and boy did she and one of her readers take it wrong!  Why?  More than likely, because I wasn’t agreeing with her or feeding her illusion.  I told her to delete my comments if they bothered her so much and I went back to see if she did.  Instead I found her referring to my comments on her following post.  So I said, if she’s willing to talk about it, so am I.

The post where all the trouble started talked about an encounter that she had on the Métro.  She sat down next to a French guy that she found attractive and she noticed he was reading the same book she was, so she tapped him on the arm and struck up a conversation with him.  Reading on the Métro.After exchanging niceties about the book, he asked her what she did and she replied she was an English assistant.  He said he was taking English classes for his job, and the conversation went on until she realized the next stop was hers.  She mentioned it to him (just to let him know) and gathered her things.  They said goodnight and that was it.

It’s after she gets off the Métro that the mood of her post changes and she speaks about the emptiness, the bitter disappointment that she felt because they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers or set a rendez-vous to meet again.  “Where was the romantic ending that you always see in films?” she asked.  As she walked away she told herself that it wasn’t suppose to end this way.  She then said to her readers, “I know what you’re thinking, because I have been thinking it myself….”  But, this is where she is so wrong!  What she thought was probably not what many of her readers were thinking.  (Well, not what I was thinking in any case.)

She goes on that signs are for suckers and she’s sick to death of signs.  She beats herself up with I should have done this, and I should have done that.  I should have given him my phone number, asked him out, pretended my stop was somewhere else further along, and on and on….  And then she concludes that she had done everything she could and it wasn’t enough.

crowded-paris-metro.jpg

Now some people left optimistic comments like, “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll run into him again.”  Still, one person told her, “Um, he could have gotten off with you.”  Which was exactly what I was thinking, so I left a comment saying that I agreed with that person.  I told her when a French guy is interested in you, believe me, he will make that move and I gave her a few examples of the crazy things they do.

She left a comment for me saying, “You’re right, Lynn, I’m too optimistic, too self-confident.” and then she said something like, “Ha!  You don’t know me at all.”  So I wrote back, “No, you’re right, I don’t know you at all, but I’ve spent more than half my life in Paris and I’ve dated more Frenchmen than I care to mention and I’ve lived with four of them, so I think I know Frenchmen.”

Shy Man’s Guide

I did tell her I was sorry for being so blunt and that it wasn’t my intention to be mean, but most French guys will make that move if they’re interested.  (Now this is where I think I got her upset.) I told her if a guy doesn’t make that move, he’s just not that into you. I said, don’t take my word for it, ask some French guys and see what they say.  I did tell her, however, that who knows, maybe she was right and he could have been one of those rare French guys that wanted to make a move, but didn’t know how.  Hmm!  Actually I should have told her to stop wasting her time with regrets about something she couldn’t change.  She couldn’t go back and relive that scenario, so why beat herself up?

Another girl left a comment that more and more young French guys are really shy and not so bold as their predecessors.  That got me thinking, if that were true, how would a really shy French guy act?  So I asked Patrick who use to be shy when he was young and another guy who shall remain nameless and they gave me great insight.

Their conclusions were the same, the man on the Métro probably wasn’t interested, or else, he wasn’t available so he didn’t make a move on her.  Well that offended one reader and she told me to stop making this lovely encounter into a “bloody meaningless pulp”!  She went on to say that I had tarnished this sweet encounter and had given it a bad name!  What?  I mean come on, it was a 20 minute conversation with a little flirting at best and now it’s a bloody meaningless pulp?  Give me a break!  Is everyone living in Mayaland?

So I said, sorry – delete my comments and I won’t post again.  Shut Your Mouth!I mean, what could I say?  (Nothing, I had apparently already said too much!)  Well, as I mentioned at the beginning of my post, I went back to see if my comments were deleted, or if I was going to be massacred by her faithful readers and much to my surprise, someone actually came to my defense, or rather the defense of everyone having the right to state their opinion.  Then another person said (which I was waiting for and not disappointed) that I was a condescending ass!  Why, for giving my opinion?  No, for giving an opinion that didn’t agree with all the la-di-da they feed her!  Opps!  Sorry, I didn’t know we were suppose to contribute to her delusions.

Maya Muses:  On her latest post, that’s where I saw her referencing my comments, she was talking about all the unsuccessful encounters with men in her life.  I think that’s where the problem lies.  We are told that we create our own reality by what we think, and, more importantly, how we feel.  So, is it really any surprise then that reality quite often meets our expectations?

Photo Credits: Google Images and Flickr


Tags: Mayaland · Paris - Paname

73 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Mia // Nov 20, 2008 at 8:04 pm

    Nope!
    I have experienced it both ways!
    And I can honestly say,that when I have met or meet a guy who were/are shy,but interested,I pick up that energy behind the shyness!
    And then, I did/do the move!
    I did this when I first met Ulf , and he has been my life partner for 0ver 31 years now!

    Now..I just flirt….that is fun…if you know how to do it!

  • 2 Lynn // Nov 21, 2008 at 5:54 am

    Not me! I was always too shy to make the first move. If they didn’t make it, then no moves were made! That’s why I love French and Italian men, they (opps!) most of them have no problems making that first move.

  • 3 Mia // Nov 22, 2008 at 5:09 pm

    I have never had a problem to make a move myself if I am interested,maybe it is a Swedish thing?

    But I love French,Italian,Spanish,Cuban,(Latin Lovers?) hehe…
    (reminds me of what Carlos Marin in the group Il Divo once said: “You see I’m Spanish and I have a lot to give to women!”) LOL…

    Well,they Do know how to flirt and how to make a woman feel special….

    I met a Greek gigolo many years ago…on the island Paros…
    He was young….I was there with Ulf,on a bar…
    I started to talk with him…
    He saw that I was with Ulf,so he didn’t try to flirt or anything…
    I spoke to him as a “person”…
    I asked him how it was to be a “gigolo”?
    He said that most of the time it was good,but that it also was “hard work”hehe…
    That there was so many women from the northern countries who needed to be “seen” and treated as well,Women…
    To be admired etcetera…He thought it was strange…and kind of sad…

    I wonder why some women from the northern countries don’t feel they get this from the men at home?
    And why men here don’t treat us as Women?

    I do see, when in Spain for instead that women dress themselves more feminine…
    I do see, that the men there treat women from, for example Sweden different, than their”own” women….
    I believe they still think the Swedish women are more “free”(Vackra svenska flicka!)…
    It is still sometimes a problem,when you are a Swedish girl/woman abroad…

    Interesting…..

  • 4 Lynn // Nov 23, 2008 at 5:56 am

    I think it is interesting to see how men in different countries treat women from other countries differently than women from their own county! Many men in other countries think Swedish women are very liberated so you must have interesting stories when you travel! Lol.

    In France for instance, Frenchmen love women that they think are exotic and exotic to them can be many things of course. For instance, women from Sweden are exotic to them just like women from South America.

    Men in Paris would constantly stop and ask me if I was Brazilian! I would say, “No, I’m American.” and they would say, “Yes! South American!” When I would explain no the USA, they would look somewhat disappointed and say, “but you don’t look American!” So I would tell them, “Well, my parents are from Mexico.” They would say, “Ah! Mexican! Latin America!” and that would make them happy once again! LOL!

  • 5 Lynn // Nov 23, 2008 at 5:58 am

    Do Swedish men really treat Swedish women so differently? When I was going with Lars, he was very sweet, very attentive.

    (Carlos seems to enjoy flirting more than the other three! Lol.)

  • 6 Mia // Nov 23, 2008 at 9:47 pm

    I think they do to a certain degree….

    And besides you were exotic to him!

    Had you been Swedish….a different story….
    But I will not generalize….

    (Yeah,he does..hehe….But I think he don’t do it as much as before..too many women take it seriously!)

  • 7 Lynn // Nov 24, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    Hmm…..interesting about Lars!

    I can imagine that some of the women would! When you’re famous, young, and good looking, a lot of women will be accessible; if you’re flirty as well,…. well the temptation for many women would be irresistible! Lol.

  • 8 Monica // Oct 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Hola, I was browsing around, searching if frenchmen are interested in american girls well mexican american. I thought the blog post was interesting, and made think differently on frenchmen. And yes I know this is an old blog post. Adios.

  • 9 Lynn // Oct 11, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    Monica, in general Frenchmen love women who are exotic and for many of them Mexican-American women are very exotic! Go for it!

  • 10 Lisa // Feb 15, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Hi,

    I love this post and need your opinion.

    I met a young, quiet French intern. Educated, soft spoken, polite and gentleman. He’s early 20’s, I’m mid 30’s and Asian. On the first night of our event he told us that he wanted to join us for dinner but instead he’s gone out with other friends. We didn’t really care as we’re much older and he might not feel comfortable.

    On the second/last day, he started to come and sat next to me, refused to leave first and waited for me to finish my work so that we could leave together also bringing me tea/coffee during breaks. I noticed many times he came near me and tried to create conversation or small talk but never asked for my number. I met him again in the branch he’s having his training and again he left his place to talk to me for few minutes.

    I gave him my card but nothing came from him either calls/emails.

    What do you think about this? Also what do you think I should do?

    Thanks.

  • 11 Lynn // Feb 16, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Hi Lisa, from what I can tell, it seems he was interested in you, otherwise I don’t see why he was so attentive to you. It very well may be that he’s a bit shy or he thinks the age difference is an issue; perhaps not for him, but for you.

    I suggest you make the next move by bringing him a cup of coffee, or starting up a conversation with him. Or you can send him an email asking him how he’s doing. The contact can be very casual (Bonjour, ça va?) nothing heavy, just enough to let him know that you’re interested.

    We (people in general) give ourselves excuses for not doing something that we want to do and we talk ourselves out of so many great and missed opportunities! I say, it doesn’t hurt to try and you have nothing to lose by making the first move!

    I hope that helps and wish you the best! (Let me know if things work out!)

  • 12 Lisa // Feb 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Glad that you replied despite the long hiatus in the update :-) … thanks..

    We spoke again and he was surprised to know that I’m mid 30’s… all this while he thought I’m 20’s.. he smiled and chuckled when I made silly remarks during our conversation but no further move from him… perhaps he’s just comfortable with me… at first I thought he’s gay coz I found his pics with a guy though not intimate but they could also be best friends…

    Anyway, knowing him make me realize that I deserve a gentlemen as a companion and they really exist… :-)

  • 13 Lynn // Feb 17, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    There are gentlemen out there! So don’t settle for anything less! They exist and I’m sure you deserve one!!! All the best!

  • 14 Elle // Nov 3, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Well, I am hanging out with a French guy I met through a friend. He is extremely nice and we get along pretty well. We’ve been doing a lot of fun and exciting activities together. He’s young and really shy which sometimes I don’t know how to act when I’m with him, if I need to be a little aggressive or what. Anyway, I’m giving him hints that I like him and the good thing he is starting to make his moves on me.

  • 15 Elle // Nov 3, 2012 at 5:53 am

    Well, I am hanging out with a French guy I met through a friend. He is extremely nice and we get along pretty well. We’ve been doing a lot of fun and exciting activities together. He’s young and really shy which sometimes I don’t know how to act when I’m with him, if I need to be a little aggressive or what. Anyway, I’m giving him hints that I like him and the good thing he is starting to make his moves on me. I mean I dated American guys before and I find French guys more interesting and simple irresistible.

  • 16 Lynn // Nov 3, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Hi Elle, sure there are guys who are shy (French, American, or otherwise), but I don’t care how shy a guy is, if a girl lets him know she’s interested – he’ll act upon it. If he doesn’t, it’s because he isn’t interested or he isn’t available. This doesn’t seem to be your problem here. I mean if he’s “starting to make his moves” on you, then he got your message! (I agree, Frenchmen are simply irresistible!) Good luck!!!

  • 17 Gringa // Nov 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Hello! I read the exchanges of this long conversation and it interests me to know so much about french guys. I have met one online though and we’ve been exchanging messages for two months now. We talk everyday and mutually liked each other but the distance between us makes it impossible to pursue more. He recently said he adores me. Does that makes sense to hope for a something more or i just let it go steady? I was never told by anyone like that.

  • 18 Lynn // Nov 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Gringa, meeting online and long distance romances are possible! Times have changed and it’s a way that many people meet nowadays!

    As for him telling you, “I adore you.” (or if he said, “Je t’adore.”) I would need to know in what context he told you that to get more insight. In general, it doesn’t carry as much meaning as an English speaking person saying it because the verb adore is used quite often here in France whereas it’s not used as often in the States.

    Still, any way you look at it, him telling you he adores you (for whatever reason) is good!!! Best of luck!

  • 19 Bubbles // Feb 18, 2013 at 4:12 am

    Hi. I met a french guy online 2 months ago. He is fluent in english and been living in HK for almost a year now for his job. After 2 weeks of constant communication, he asked me to meet him in HK for 1 day. He paid for the ticket and all. We have a connection even in person and 2 days after that meeting he asked me to be his girlfriend. After a week I went to see him again and stayed a few days in his place. he paid for my ticket again. I guess my question is.. are french guys really that fast moving in a relationship? He said he is never this early committed with a girl but he hasn’t tell me he love me either.

  • 20 Lynn // Feb 18, 2013 at 7:51 am

    Bubbles, there’s no right answer to this question. Each relationship is different, some couples fall in love at first sight (yes it happens!) and some fall in love slowly. You say he bought your ticket to HK for a day and then a week later he bought you another ticket, but you don’t say from where! If he’s buying you a plane ticket, let’s say, from New York City to HK, I would say that just the distance and the expense would ‘more than likely’ show real interest. (No guarantees!) On the other hand, if he’s buying you a ferry ticket from Macau to Hong Kong, then I would say maybe he’s a fast mover. Do you see what I mean?

    Still, that’s doesn’t mean just because you’re coming from a short distance that he’s not really invested in you emotionally, but only you can answer that! What does your intuition tell you? Strange how our intuition is always right, but our brain constantly fights to convince us otherwise to believe in what we want to hear, rather than what we instinctively know.

    As I stated in the beginning, there’s no real answer to your question, some Frenchmen move very quickly and some move rather slowly. They’re just like men everywhere, except they’re more charming! (It’s true!) Yes, they flirt more easily than men from other countries (except Italian men!) but as for moving fast in a relationship, I think it depends on their feelings toward the woman concerned. Of course, you don’t want to mistake emotional attachment with sexual attraction!

    (I hope that helps!)

  • 21 Airotciv // Apr 13, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Hey! I really liked your post. Maybe you could give me some advice.
    I live is a student house, and there is a cute french guy! When I first arrived we used to talk a lot and he seemed interested,,now e are not talking that often but my friends said he looks in a different way to me, but he does nothing! Do you think I should make the first move? It is because I am very shy, and guess he also is. It is difficult. Or maybe he is just not that into me. Help me if you can! (by the way, I am south american – Brazil – haha) cheers!

  • 22 Lynn // Apr 15, 2013 at 10:35 am

    Airotciv, I know how difficult it is when you’re shy, but as you get older the only regrets in life (for me) has been when I didn’t take action. If the two of you use to talk all the time, then start a conversation with him. Don’t wait for him to come to you, you take that first step and I don’t mean just once. By doing that, he’ll know you’re interested. You have nothing to lose!

    If he doesn’t make a move, then you’ll know. But at least you won’t be wondering what could have been. Jean Cocteau said, “The French are Italians in a bad mood.” Sometimes they brood (for whatever reason) but it doesn’t mean they’re not interested.

    Good luck with your French guy! By the way, Frenchmen have this myth about Brazilian women, so you’re already ahead of the game!

  • 23 Haddie // May 31, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Your comment about brooding interest me. I’ve been seeing a french guy and sometimes he doesn’t say much, like he’s brooding. I get the feeling sometimes that he’s bored with me. Could it be that he’s just brooding and that’s the French way?

  • 24 Lynn // Jun 3, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    I think you’re right, Haddie. It’s more the French way than him being bored. Most Frenchmen that I’ve known are like that. They don’t need to talk all the time and it may seem like they’re brooding, but they’re really not. It’s a cultural difference, they don’t need to fill in that silence which they see as normal, but Americans find as awkward, for example. If he’s asked you out a number of times, don’t worry, he’s interested.

  • 25 Kris // Jan 14, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Ohh, french men are so cute. I was there this summer with my dad, and noticed many men staring at me and saying “mademoiselle mademoiselle” when i walked by even though they were in conversation.. And in some restaurants the guy next to be just stared the whole time. I was afraid to look back as i started feeling Self concious. I am mixed but often told i look brazilian. What did this mean? That im ugly? Cause no one said anything directly to me

  • 26 Lynn // Jan 17, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    Seriously, Kris, do you really think if someone said to you, you look Brazilian, that it means you look ugly? What does that say for all the gorgeous Brazilian women out there? When you say you’re mixed, I’m assuming mixed races. As I’ve said before, French men love exotic women and if they stare, it’s not because they find you ugly!

  • 27 Kris // Jan 18, 2014 at 9:28 pm

    oh you misunderstood me, Lynn. I did not mean that being told I look brazilian means im ugly (brazilian women are beautiful!) I was asking what the stares meant, if the stares meant that I was ugly. Cause I don’t really look good, yet men would often stare, but not really smile.. More like pokerface just staring while at restaurants and so on..I couldn’t really figure what the stares meant, but yeah..Yes im half black half white.

  • 28 Lynn // Jan 20, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Kris, men don’t stare at women they think are ugly, at least, French men don’t! They love beautiful, exotic women and if they stared at you (And yes, some of them do stare with a poker face! LOL!) it’s because they find you attractive–not ugly!

    I don’t know where you’re from, but American men are more discreet when they look at a woman. (No, I’m not talking about a group of young guys whistling and hollering. They’re in a group setting so, of course, they’re anything, but discreet.)

    European men are more open in their admiration. They don’t stare or yell, “mademoiselle” if they find a woman ugly. They do, if they find a woman attractive.

  • 29 Kris // Jan 20, 2014 at 2:30 pm

    Wow, i feel flattered now, haha! Thank you for answering my silly question. I guess it never occured to me that it wasn’t because I was ugly because 1. i dislike my face and 2. i am a bit curvy and not stick thin (which i’ve heard their preferences are). I also had some pimples on my face while french womens were almost always flawless. I’m from northern europe – men here don’t really flirt with me. So it was a bit unusual.
    Btw the men on the street didn’t yell it at me, it was more like, they suddenly involved the word ”mademoiselle” in their conversation. Well it’s a bit of an ego boost, maybe i’m not terribly ugly after all!

  • 30 Lynn // Jan 20, 2014 at 3:00 pm

    Kris, I’m sure you’re not! It’s true that men from Northern Europe are more discreet than their southern counterparts! (It must be the sun! LOL!) Yes, French women, in general, are thin….no let me correct myself, Parisian women are thin and many of them do seem blessed with flawless skin, but French men do like curvy women. Again, I speak in general and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

    I wrote a post entitled Yes, French Women Do Get Fat! You can read it here.

  • 31 JC // Apr 16, 2014 at 9:11 pm

    This guy looks identical to a frenchman that I know of. Your description fits him well. I wonder if it’s the same person.

  • 32 Lynn // Apr 19, 2014 at 9:36 am

    JC, are you talking about the guy in the photo? I took the photo from Google Images. For all I know he might not even be French. Sorry!

  • 33 Nat~ // May 10, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Aha, this is great. :) Was nodding my head in agreement at times. Coincidently, I met a French man from where I volunteer. Reserved at first, but very well mannered. Holding doors, constant thank yous & welcomes. I didn’t know anyone.. so had to mingle. I noticed him sitting real close too. Hard to understand him at first, but patience. I was placed with him the whole day, so thought no harm in talking. The next day, I was late for work.. and bumped into him on the street. He told me he waited for me & called me. As we work in teams. I later saw two missed calls from him. Don’t know how he got my number, but I’ll keep hold to it for now.. A little forward, or just manners? Fun adventures..

  • 34 Lynn // May 11, 2014 at 11:36 am

    Nat, it looks more like a Frenchman who is interested in you. Good luck and have fun!

  • 35 Nat~ // May 14, 2014 at 11:14 am

    Haha slow steps.. Will do! Thank you! You too. Take care, keep up the intriguing blog!

  • 36 Lynn // May 16, 2014 at 9:41 pm

    Thanks, not always easy, but I try.

  • 37 Apple // Jun 15, 2014 at 5:57 am

    Hi, Lynn! Thanks for the great article. It was certainly a nice piece to read.

    So I met a french guy online and we chat almost all the time. But there are other times when we are both online and he does not reply back with any messages. It is clear that he has already seen my message but does not reply back. This is an on an off thing…

    So when he’s online and not messaging me back (which feels like torture), does that mean he’s not interested?

  • 38 Lynn // Jun 15, 2014 at 8:09 am

    Apple, here’s the thing about women, we wonder constantly and invent so many scenarios in our minds, instead of going to the source and asking the person what’s going on. The next time the two of you are chatting on line, I would ask him, “Why don’t you answer my messages sometimes when I know you see them?”

    Now there could be several “good” reasons why he isn’t answering you, but it doesn’t mean he’s not interested in you. For instance:

    – He could be working and even though his computer is on, he’s unable to answer your messages.

    – He could be having cyber sex with someone and he’s “unable” to answer your messages, if you know what I mean.

    – He could have his computer on, but he’s not sitting in front of his screen. So even though it’s on and you think he sees his messages, in reality, he doesn’t.

    If the two of you are chatting all the time, then I would think he is interested in you. And don’t let #2 bother you because talking to you is more important than having cyber sex with a stranger.

    Of course I could be totally wrong about everything and that’s why you should ask him point blank why he ignores you sometimes when you’re both online. Wouldn’t it be better to know the truth than to invent reasons that may all be wrong? Good luck, Apple! Ah, French men, they’re not easy to decipher!

  • 39 Jolin // Jan 30, 2015 at 4:28 am

    Hello Lynn! Thanks so much about great article, it really helped a lot.
    However, I still have some individual question about frenchmen.

    I am a 25 years old Asian girl, and met a frenchman who is 20+ years older than me. I am his private teacher at first and never thought I would be fall in love with old man ( no offensive). But he is sooo good at flirting and sweet.

    After we had 2nd lesson, it was just new year’s eve, and he opened a bottle of champagne, and said ” in France, if one woman and one man finished 1 bottle, that means they are lucky in love.” afterwards he invited me to new year’s party with his friends.

    I’m sure I becoming considering of him from then on.

    Until now we know each other about 1 month, but only go out for 3 times. I could not say those were dates cuz he asked me occasionaly when we met but never in advance. Also he never text to me positively.

    However at last weekend, he sent me a red rose selected from a bouquet that he said he bought for us two and he said he would cook for me next time. Oh, you know how freak out I was!
    But after that until now, 5 days went by, he never text to me.

    He said the partner he wants is who put herself in priority, cuz he don’t like pressure and he wants his partner to be with him but not follow him.
    And when we discussed of some serious articles, he sometimes says,” if you are my daughter, I will…..”

    He made me fall in love with him but I don’t know should I expect for a further relationship with him or just my misunderstanding?

  • 40 Lynn // Jan 31, 2015 at 9:17 pm

    Jolin, he sounds like a few French men I’ve met in my day! They wanted no commitments and so they did things on the spur of the moment. It’s all right if you were like me and you didn’t want any commitments either, but that doesn’t seem to be your case. You say you’ve fallen in love with him. If he says he’s going to call you, cook for you, text you, etc., and then you wait and wait and he does none of those things…that’s not a good sign. You being in love with him only complicates matters.

    I’m not an expert in relationships (French or otherwise) so I can only give you personal advice. French men, like most men, enjoy the chase, the seduction. It seems your friend enjoyed pursuing you until you fell in love. Now he tells you he doesn’t like to be pressured. That’s already a warning to you. He says he wants someone who’s equal to him (a partner, but not a follower) so does he want you to take the initiative to ask him out rather than you wait for him to? Perhaps. It’s something you can try and see how he responds.

    What makes me a little skeptical is why he would make references to you as his daughter. Yes, there’s an age difference between the two of you, but is he hinting that he sees you more as a daughter by saying that? Therefore, not as a love interest, but in a platonic way. It would be more promising if he would say, “If you were my wife, I will/would….” Do you see the difference?

    Good luck! All I can say is follow your heart, but also listen to your intuition. Our intuition never lies.

  • 41 Jolin // Feb 2, 2015 at 5:14 am

    Thank you very much for your advices! I feel much released and maybe not to think of him much is the best way for me, just let it go.

    One thing, when he said, ” If you were my daughter…..” were the situation that I asked him about career path and friendship.

    And on another occation, he said to me, ” I’m much older and have more experience than you. You have many opportunities…..”

    I think I’d tell him my thought if we met next time! Best wishes for me:)

  • 42 Lynn // Feb 6, 2015 at 7:25 am

    I agree with you, Jolin, the best thing is to speak to him and tell him what you think and feel. You have nothing to lose by doing this and everything to gain. If it doesn’t work out, at least you won’t have any regrets or thoughts of ‘what if….’

    All the best to you!

  • 43 Jessica // Apr 20, 2015 at 4:51 am

    Hi Lynn, so much love to read your informative article. But can you help me with this thing ?

    I’m 25 years old from Asia and met a Frenchman who is 39 years old online. We had met each other once and honestly, I was so impressed on his gentle, manners. He’s so sweet and irresistible :p
    During the evening, we talked about every topics, shared a lot of things about ourselves. We both felt really comfortable. He even asked me that have I ever looked for a serious relationship, and after marriage, how many kids did I expect have, and did I want to keep working out or want to stay at home to take care my family. At the beginning, I thought he was so weird, asked me that kind of questions on the 1st date? But then I thought they were just some normal questions between 2 friends.

    After the drink, we walked along the street and accidently stopped at the dancing club outside which has bunch of boys and girls learn how to dance Valse. And he took my hand and gently “forced” me to dance with him. That was so sweet !….. Finnaly, we said goodbye and went home. He didn’t forget to tell me that “keep in touch with him”.

    But 1 week later (included 2 days of weekend) nothing from him, no call, no message, no email. He was still online but nothing came to me. So I decided to text him first, but only the simple question “How are you?”. He took a whole day to text me back, answered he’s fine, and asked me out for a drink next week. Of course I said yes. But nearly 1 week, he still kept quietly.

    So please help me, what should I do next ? Or should I give up and push him out of my mind ?

    Thank you !
    Have a nice day !

  • 44 Lynn // Apr 21, 2015 at 8:49 am

    Hi Jessica,

    Yes, Frenchmen have wonderful manners and can be quite charming, but these serious questions on a first date are not quite the norm. Then again, I can see if (as you say) the two of you spoke about everything and felt quite comfortable with each other, the topic of what you’re looking for in a relationship could easily come up.

    You don’t mention how old you are, but if you’re around his age then I can see him maybe asking those questions because your years of starting a family can be limited and would be of importance to you.

    Still, not every guy online is who they say they are, so you have to take what they say with a grain of salt. Him saying, “…keep in touch….” isn’t very promising. If he’s interested, he would keep in touch or he would have already set another date to see you again before the two of you said goodbye. I don’t get these guys who say they’ll call and then they don’t.

    You did the right thing, however. You saw him online and you made contact with him. He invited you out again, so let’s see what he does. If he doesn’t take the initiative if/when you meet again, I’m sorry to say, I would “push him out of your mind.”

    Thanks for writing and let me know what happens. I hope things work out for you.

  • 45 Jessica // Apr 21, 2015 at 10:28 pm

    Hi Lynn !

    I did mention that I’m 25 and he’s 39 in the last comment :) Maybe he didn’t find the common between us because no message comes from him, again :( So I know exactly what I should do now :)

    Thanks so much, xoxo

  • 46 Lynn // Apr 23, 2015 at 9:22 am

    Sorry, Jessica! I don’t know how I missed what you wrote at the very beginning about how old you are. I’ll just chalk it up to getting old or maybe I need a new pair of glasses!

    I’m a firm believer if a guy is interested, he’ll make a move. That’s what led to this post to begin with. I think a lot of times people (especially women) make excuses for why someone doesn’t call. I say life is too short to wait around. I know, I know, sometimes it’s easier said than done. Sorry things didn’t work out for you, but it’s better to know at the beginning than later on when you’ve already invested your emotions into the relationship.

  • 47 Jessica // Apr 23, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    Thanks so much for your advice!

    Yeah, as you say “Life is too short to wait around”, I’m moving on :)

    Good to know your blog, love it <3
    Have a nice day !

  • 48 Lynn // Apr 24, 2015 at 6:40 am

    Thanks, Jessica, all the best.

  • 49 Kimberly // May 7, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    This is an interesting article; thanks for writing it. So, I’m wondering, what are the things that French men do when they’re interested? I’ve been in Paris for a year and haven’t seen any signs…! Not that my eyes are exactly open..but just in case, for what signs am I looking ? Merci par avance!

  • 50 Lynn // May 9, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    Kimberly, I can only speak about my personal experiences. Many Frenchmen would just come up to me on the street and ask me if I would like to go have a drink at a café. Or they would begin a conversation with me in a grocery store, or a book store, a café, a park, in the métro, or wherever. They were very polite about it, but they made no qualms about letting me know they were interested.

    I’m glad I was from a different generation than today, because I’ve seen the changes that have taken place where everyone has their eyes on their cellphones and no one sees anyone else any longer. It should be easier for people to meet today, but in actuality it’s harder. The only thing I can say is, I don’t think it has changed that much, but people need to stop looking at their phones and be more aware of their surroundings. When someone is on their phone, the other person is less inclined to interrupt whatever they’re doing. My advice: put your phone away.

  • 51 Jenny // May 28, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    Hello Lynn,
    It was a great arcticle! I want to ask some advice about this french guy.
    I met this french guy from dating site, we been chatting just a couple of days before he ask me to have a drink, and then we met and had a good time together, we had a drink then went for a long walk while chatting, we stayed at the park when he ask me if its okay to kiss me and I said yes since I like him the first time I saw him. We stayed there for few hours before seperated ways. After 2days he contacted me again and invited me for dinner so I thought maybe he is interested with me, so we had a good time again, walking hand in hand and we kissed a lot. Afterwards, he invited me to his place and we slept together, I felt that he really likes me, he even call me baby, as if we were bf/gf, but when I got home that morning he didnt even contacted me again, only after 2days again because he said that he want to see me again, but after we seperated again, I feel so confused because he don’t even call me or when he text me its a very simple or sometimes, I make the first move to text him.We known each other for only 10 days now, but I like him already but I am confused about his feelings.

  • 52 Lynn // May 29, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Jenny, I don’t know where you’re from, but your friend’s reaction doesn’t seem strange to me. The two of you went on a date the first time and got along well. Then he called you two days later and you had another date and you both liked each other enough to sleep together. After that, again he called you two days later because he wanted to see you again. You say the two of you (when you wrote to me) only knew each other ten days. In those ten days you’ve had three dates and have spoken and texted several times. Where is the problem?

    The reason why I wonder where you’re from is to ask, do men in your country want to be with women all the time? Most Frenchmen aren’t like that. They have their families (very important), their friends, their work, etc., and they expect a woman to also have those things in their lives that you don’t need to be together every single day.

    Another thing, I wouldn’t pay too much attention to him calling you baby or any other name especially when you’re making love. Frenchmen grow up with a lot of pet names that just come naturally to them. For example: ma biche, bichette, mon petit chou, ma puce, ma poule, ma cocotte, mon bébé, and the list goes on and on. They’re all terms of endearment that comes down to saying sweetie, sweetheart, honey, etc., but these words are said to children and between friends, as well.

    I think you need to wait and see where this relationship goes, but it’s too early to be questioning where you stand, don’t you think? Anyway, I wish you well with your Frenchman.

  • 53 Jenny // Jun 1, 2015 at 6:10 am

    Hello Lynn,
    Thank you for your reply. The thing I am so confused is that he only texted me when he want us to meet, I mean he dont txt me at least once a day to ask if ” how am I doing” or something, one time I am the one texted him first and asked if we can meet. And btw he dont even ask me about myself just a little bit, thats why I dont know if he’s really interested with me. I am asian and from our country when a man is interested with thw woman he make an effort to text you atleast once a day so maybe its not the same here.

  • 54 Lynn // Jun 1, 2015 at 10:06 pm

    Jenny, I can’t give you the answers you’re seeking. I don’t know you or this this French guy you’re seeing. I say, it all depends on what you’re looking for in a relationship. If you want to go out with him, or sleep with him, from time to time without any strings attached (which doesn’t seem to be your case) then there’s no problem. If you’re hoping for something more, then you need to know where you stand with him. If he isn’t interested in you as a person and he doesn’t ask you questions about yourself, then I think you might know where his interests lie.

    All I can tell you is listen to your intuition. Do you feel like he’s really interested in you or do you feel like he is indifferent? Does he only contact you to meet and then the two of you end up having sex by the end of the evening? Or does he invite you to do things or go places without sleeping together afterwards? If I were you, I wouldn’t contact him, I would wait and see how long it takes him to make the first move. You may be surprised either way. Good luck!

  • 55 Jenny // Jun 2, 2015 at 3:25 am

    Thank you so much for your advice, I will try not to contact him and see if he’s gonna make a move. Thank you so much again. Good to know your blog????????

  • 56 Jenny // Jun 2, 2015 at 3:39 am

    I love your blog.. Best wishes to you Lynn!

  • 57 Lynn // Jun 2, 2015 at 9:05 am

    Thanks, Jenny, I wish you all the best as well!

  • 58 Emilia // Aug 7, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    Hey Lynn,

    I met a French guy online. He gave me his number and we’ve constantly made plans to see each other but everytime we try something comes up which him or I always apologize before hand. I’ve gone on 3 dates with him. The last one I’ve slept over from Monday-Tuesday and in the morning we cuddled together and we agreed to see each other again on Wednesday and Friday. Before we parted ways he kissed me on my head and said I’ll see you Wednesday. He texted me the same day telling me how his interviews went and I messaged him back the next day Wednesday because I got caught up doing things on Tuesday and he never messaged me back. Then on Thursday I texted him asking if we were going to see each other on Friday….he never messaged me. It’s weird to me knowing he always gives me a reason and apologize but this time it’s nothing. And I see him being active on the dating website…
    Do French guys ignore you when they’re not interested? Why would he tell me he’ll see me if he’s not going to? Could it be a problem with his phone? Should I message him through the dating website? I’m scared to do so.

  • 59 Lynn // Aug 8, 2015 at 10:34 am

    Emilia,

    At first when I read the beginning of your comment, I gave your Frenchman the benefit of the doubt that perhaps he was busy, or he didn’t have an internet connection, or as you said, his phone wasn’t working, etc. But! I then saw that he had no such problem with any of those excuses we were going to make for him, because as you say, he was busy being active on a dating website.

    If he hasn’t contacted you since you wrote to me, then I think your Frenchman enjoys the chase. Once he gets the girl in bed, he’s no longer interested and he’s moved on to new conquests. This isn’t a problem just with Frenchman, it’s a problem wih a lot of men. There’s nothing wrong with that if the girl is also aware of the terms, but if the girl is more emotionally involved, then it becomes a problem for the girl.

    The thing is, after 3 dates, you really don’t know the person well enough to know if he’s just interested in taking you to bed. If he hasn’t contacted you and the two of you were suppose to go out on Wednesday and Friday (but you haven’t heard a peep out of him) I would forget about him. Sorry to be so blunt, but a guy who takes a girl to bed, makes a date (or two) and then doesn’t bother to contact her, but is busy trying to seduce other women…well, he’s not worth your time.

    All the best, Emilia, in finding a Frenchman who is truly interested in you.

  • 60 Emilia // Aug 9, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    We slept together on our second date but on our third I didn’t want to so he just hugged and kissed when I woke up and cuddled. And we quickly made plans to see each other Wednesday and Friday. He even told me his weekly schedule of all the things he had to do. And it seemed like he wanted to see me again. Even when we parted ways he was the first one to say I’ll see you Wednesday. I’m really confused Lynn.

  • 61 Lynn // Aug 10, 2015 at 10:01 pm

    I’m assuming from your comment he hasn’t contacted you since you last saw him (last Tuesday). If that’s true, the way I see it, you have two choices:

    1. Forget about him, he’s not worth your time.

    2. Contact him and ask him why he hasn’t contacted you.

    I know it’s easy to say and hard to do. But, believe me, you’re better off knowing where you stand with him than going over and over in your mind what went wrong. Or why he isn’t talking to you. It seems to me, when you didn’t want to sleep with him on your third date, that may have cold down the relationship on his end. If that’s true, he was only interested in sex and not getting to know you.

    I hope you meet a Frenchman who likes you for you.

    All the best,

  • 62 Jenny // Aug 24, 2015 at 7:58 am

    Hi Emilia,

    I’m so relate to your story, I hope It’ll went well in the end.

  • 63 Lynn // Aug 24, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    Jenny, I agree, I hope things work out for Emilia as well.

  • 64 Sarah // Apr 27, 2016 at 1:37 am

    do you have an email so i can send u private message? I’m a bit shy to share :)

  • 65 Lynn // May 11, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Hi Sarah, sorry my comment took so long, I was traveling and don’t always check my blog comments. That’s terrible of me, I know!

    If you look at the top of the page where it says CONTACT, you can click on there and it will give you my email address. I look forward to hearing from you.

  • 66 Hana // Jan 31, 2017 at 10:20 am

    I hope I could get the answers I needed. Will make this briefly as possible.

    I met this French man in an online dating app. We met but nothing happened on the first date. He spent his holidays with his family so he have to travel back to France for a month. He wanted to see me before leaving and sex happened on the 2nd date. I wasn’t expecting that he would message me since he was on vacation. But he did message me, not constantly.

    He came back from France and wanted to see me. So on the 3rd date we met this time I stayed up until morning at his place.

    Skipping to the 4th time seeing him he said “I love you”! I didn’t hear it at first so he repeated it. I smiled and just kissed him. I was caught off guard and was confused as well. I didn’t open it up til now.

    We’re not into texting more often but if we do we tale hours of it. But I’m just confuse on how this is going. It’s my first time to date a French guy. I don’t have a clue on how it is done in their culture. I’m going to see him tomorrow! Help!

  • 67 Lynn // Apr 15, 2017 at 11:38 am

    Hana, so sorry I didn’t answer you sooner. I haven’t been online here for months because of family matters. I hope you and your Frenchman are still together and in love.

  • 68 NNN // May 28, 2017 at 12:35 am

    Hi. Im not sure if this post is still updated but… if you are readung this.. i would like to ask you a few questions on how to know if a Frenchman is into me? I left my email hope we could talk in private :) thanks a lot! :)

  • 69 Boo // Jun 8, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Dear author please delete my first comment. I will re edit my long testimony lol.

    First of all apoligize for my poor english. English is not my mother tongue. Second if i miss any words to complete my grammar just because I am on my phone. My name is….called me Boo same experinced as Moo.I am base here in France as student. I have meet a lot of kind french peoples. I will tell you guys French people’s are living in small cities or town are all kind. However and yet. You may encounter anywhere, any place, any time. There is a good looking french guy will come to you. I have experienced. I met a guy in the train on my way back to the town which I am staying now. At first because of the original train should take me back to the tow. Its coicemdense his also originated in this town. Who study in Montpelier. I though he is american. The conductor on the train she struggle to talk to me more detail about how to get on my distination get in time. I am none speaking french which I only know pretty basic. And he just come to us and saying what the girl or conductor what he saying to me. And he started and give me a feeling that will be alright with him. I told you guys not bragging about myself. I am attracted person. At first even he so good looking guy I am not interested to ge to him. I even stay away from him and sit in other place. And he come again and say I want to remind you that the train will take us back to the city will leave soon. Is the only train will take us I am afraid you will miss it. Because is in the mountain and so I stay with him. He even ask me my phone. And I gave it to him. He take his pen and paper because he told me. His phone was stolen. But as soon I will have my phone maybe tomorrow. I will call you. I feel comfortable to stay on him on the train, to the m bus, taxi until we arrived to the town. As a person like me who is alone. I thought this guy is so nice. And even when we are waiting for the train. He knows that I away on him. He told me dont be afraid. I am not a bad guy. And he so gentle and I thought his a nice guy. 2 days after he sent me messages. And that we meet to the place which I am staying and went for a drinks to the bar. The next time we meet its my birthday. So we celebrate and he pays yes. I found myself that there is someone so care about me and so I fall in love with immediately. I invited him to have dinner to my apartment. Because I told him I will pay next time we meet. He knows i am pastry intern and I am becoming a chef. He told me I only can cook twice. And so we did and ate dinner together. And it happenend a couple times staying on my apt for hours and kissing only. And we know each other for nearly 2 months. Until we stay together for 1 night and made love. But now his not texting me back even I knew he only lives here. His not at school anymore. And he told me his busy looking for a job. On my mind even you are looking for a job if you love and care about me he will make a time. Its already 2 weeks now. I dont see him. And his not answering me and I need help to move my things out of this town and move to Paris. First he said if I need him just tell him. He will help me etc. When I do ask help he did not reply me. I knew he got my messages because we communicate back and forth through WhatsApp. I was hurt and cying because of him. I starts falling in love with hom.But after I read this blog or article. I made up my mind and this is happening to me that I have deal myself. And a victim of this played of game. But reading your article that make me strong and make me think. I dont have to waste my time. If he contacted me again. I know exactly what I am going and headed too. I just wish I have read your article before I met my charming frenchmen. And so I was warned. Be aware girls when you met a charming one. Just like I am not totally interested and expected to have a bf frenchmen. Even I met a lot in school all our chefs are all good looking but I did not get into my mind to have french boyfriend. I was get into flow he was so nice and care so much about me. But when they get what they want from you. No matter how pretty you are they will start running after sex. So advice if you are starting meeting be aware guys. But I did not regret is a lesson and learned that I will carrying in my life. I will be very strong next time I met him or another charming like him.

  • 70 Lynn // Jun 23, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    NNN, hi, I didn’t get your email, but you can email me if you like. My contact information is at the top in the ‘Contact’ section. I’ll try to help if I can.

  • 71 Lynn // Jun 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm

    Boo, there are all kinds of guys — some are great, some not so much. Don’t give up on everyone because one guy was charming and just looking for sex. As you said, it’s a lesson learned and I hope it makes you a stronger, wiser, person because of it. But don’t forget, there will be other guys who are charming and very sincere. Believe me, they’re out there!

  • 72 Stef // Jul 12, 2017 at 4:28 am

    Hey Lynn,

    Recently I just met with a French guy in the workplace (we’re in 2 companies but at same floor). In my first week to the company, one day we were in the same lift, I pressed the floor however it didn’t properly stop at that floor, then he looked at me and said maybe we can drop first and take the lift down. That was how our 1st conversation started, which I knew that it was his 1st week in the new company too (btw we’re in similar age around 25+).

    Since we’re on the same floor, we talked few times during the week, after 2 weeks since we met, he said we should go for lunch sometime and we exchanged our phone number. So last Wed we had lunch together, we started to know more about each other, we graduated from the same university and he can speak Chinese too. Last Fri he asked me for lunch again, this time we talked more on personal stuff, like connection with family and future plan, most importantly I know he’s available now. Everything seems going well, however he didn’t text me besides the time he asked me for lunch. It seems strange from what I used to feel, if a guy’s interested he will text a lot. I’m attracted by him, but I don’t know whether it’s the mutual attraction , if he’s also interested.

  • 73 Lynn // Jul 15, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Stef, I think most guys if they’re interested, they’ll let you know. That said, I was with a French guy several years ago who was very interested, but I couldn’t tell. He would ask me out every now and then, unlike my other boyfriends who wanted to see me all the time. He finally told me he thought I wasn’t interested and so he wanted to give me my space, but he wanted to see me all the same. Geez, talk about getting our signals crossed.

    Your Frenchman has asked you out to lunch twice in one week. It seems he’s interested so hang in there. Send him a text and say hi. You’d be surprised how guys love when a girl makes a first move instead of waiting for him to do so.

    Then again (and this has nothing to do with him being French or anything else) if his astrological sign is a Cancer, then you’ll have your hands full. He’ll take one step forward and two steps back, so get used to not hearing from him all the time.

    I hope this helps and good luck with your French guy!

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