Don’t ask me how I got to reading a post about an American girl living in the suburbs of Paris, because I truly can’t remember. (Sorry, but that’s how it is when you reach my age!) Anyway, I left a comment on her blog and boy did she and one of her readers take it wrong! Why? I don’t know, afterall, I’m just some person in cyberspace that is stating my opinion, so what bearing does it have on her life? None, I would imagine! I did tell her to delete my comments if they bothered her so much and I went back to see if she did. Instead I found her referring to my comments on her new post! So I said, if she’s willing to talk about it, so am I.
The post where all the trouble started talked about an encounter that she had on the Métro. She sat down next to a French guy that she found attractive and she noticed he was reading the same book that she was, so she tapped him on the arm and struck up a conversation with him. 
After exchanging niceties about the book, he asked her what she did and she replied she was an English assistant. He said he was taking English classes for his job, and the conversation went on until she realized the next approaching stop was hers. She mentioned it to him and gathered her things, and they said goodnight, and that was it.
It’s after she got off the Métro that the mood of her post changes and she speaks about the emptiness, the bitter disappointment that she felt because they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers or set a rendez-vous to meet again. Where was the romantic ending that you always see in films she wondered. As she walks away she tells herself that it wasn’t suppose to end this way. She then says (to her readers) “I know what you’re thinking, because I have been thinking it myself:” but this is where she is so wrong! What she’s thinking is probably not what many readers are thinking. (Or not what I was thinking in any case!)
She says that signs are for suckers and she’s sick to death of signs. She beats herself up with I should have done this, and I should have done that. I should have given him my phone number, asked him out, pretended my stop was somewhere else further along, and on and on…. 
And then she concludes that she had done everything she could and it wasn’t enough!
Now some people left optimistic comments like, “Oh you’ll run into him again!”, but one person told her, “Um, he could have gotten off with you…” which was exactly what I was thinking, so I left a comment saying that I agreed with that person. I told her when a French guy is interested in you, believe me he will make that move and I gave her a few examples of the crazy things they do.
She wrote back saying, you’re right Lynn I’m too optimistic, too self-confident and then she says something like, Ha! You don’t know me at all. So I wrote back, no you’re right I don’t know you at all, but having spent more than half my life in Paris and having dated more Frenchmen than I care to mention and living with four of them, I think I know Frenchmen.
I did tell her I was sorry for being so blunt and that it wasn’t my intention to be mean, but most French guys will make that move if they’re interested. (Now this is where I think I got her upset.) I told her if a guy doesn’t make that move, he’s just not that into you.
I did tell her, however, that who knows, maybe she was right and he could have been one of those rare French guys that wanted to make a move, but didn’t know how! Hmm! Actually I should have told her to stop wasting her time with regrets about something she can’t change. She couldn’t go back and relive that scenario, so why beat herself up?!
Another girl left a comment that more and more young French guys are really shy and not so bold as their predecessors. (Boy am I happy to have been born when the predecessors were in full swing! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have all these great memories!) It did, however, get me to thinking if that were true, how would a really shy French guy act? So, of course, I asked Patrick who was somewhat shy when he was young and the other shall remain nameless because he is young and somewhat shy. They gave me great insight.
Their conclusion was the same, the man on the Métro probably wasn’t interested or if he was, he wasn’t available so he didn’t make a move on her. Well that offended one reader and she told me to stop making this lovely encounter into a “bloody meaningless pulp”! She went on to say that I had tarnished this sweet encounter and had given it a bad name! I mean come on! It was a 20 minute conversation with a little flirting at best and now it’s a bloody meaningless pulp! What?! Now she has to tell her future children, “Oh, and this is how I didn’t meet your suppose to be father.” Give me a break! Is everyone living in Mayaland?!!!
So I said, sorry - delete my comments and I won’t post again! 
I mean, what could I say? (Nothing! I had apparently already said too much!) Well, as I mentioned at the beginning of my post, I went back to see if my comments were deleted, or if I was going to be massacred by her faithful readers and much to my surprise, someone actually came to my defence, or rather the defence of everyone having the right to state their opinion. Then another person said (which I was waiting for and not disappointed) that I was a condescending ass! Why….for giving my opinion? No! For giving an opinion that didn’t agree with all the lalalalala they feed her! Opps! Sorry, I didn’t know we were suppose to contribute to her delusion!
On her latest post, that’s where I saw her referencing my comments, she was talking about all the unsuccessful encounters with men in her life. I truly think the problem is not how she looks physically. From the small photo of her balancing a ball on her face (!?! Yeah, I don’t get it either!) she looks like she’s pretty. (Patrick thought she was cute.) I think if she’s having problems with men it comes more from the vibrational energy that she gives off as someone who is waiting for things to go wrong, or someone who knows she’s going to get hurt….and so she does.
Maya Muses: We are told that we create our own reality in this so-called world by what we think, and more importantly by how and what we feel. So then, is it really of any surprise that reality quite often meets our expectations?!
Photo Credits: Google Images and Flickr
22 responses so far ↓
1 Mia // Nov 20, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Nope!
I have experienced it both ways!
And I can honestly say,that when I have met or meet a guy who were/are shy,but interested,I pick up that energy behind the shyness!
And then, I did/do the move!
I did this when I first met Ulf , and he has been my life partner for 0ver 31 years now!
Now..I just flirt….that is fun…if you know how to do it!
2 Lynn // Nov 21, 2008 at 5:54 am
Not me! I was always too shy to make the first move. If they didn’t make it, then no moves were made! That’s why I love French and Italian men, they (opps!) most of them have no problems making that first move.
3 Mia // Nov 22, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I have never had a problem to make a move myself if I am interested,maybe it is a Swedish thing?
But I love French,Italian,Spanish,Cuban,(Latin Lovers?) hehe…
(reminds me of what Carlos Marin in the group Il Divo once said: “You see I’m Spanish and I have a lot to give to women!”) LOL…
Well,they Do know how to flirt and how to make a woman feel special….
I met a Greek gigolo many years ago…on the island Paros…
He was young….I was there with Ulf,on a bar…
I started to talk with him…
He saw that I was with Ulf,so he didn’t try to flirt or anything…
I spoke to him as a “person”…
I asked him how it was to be a “gigolo”?
He said that most of the time it was good,but that it also was “hard work”hehe…
That there was so many women from the northern countries who needed to be “seen” and treated as well,Women…
To be admired etcetera…He thought it was strange…and kind of sad…
I wonder why some women from the northern countries don’t feel they get this from the men at home?
And why men here don’t treat us as Women?
I do see, when in Spain for instead that women dress themselves more feminine…
I do see, that the men there treat women from, for example Sweden different, than their”own” women….
I believe they still think the Swedish women are more “free”(Vackra svenska flicka!)…
It is still sometimes a problem,when you are a Swedish girl/woman abroad…
Interesting…..
4 Lynn // Nov 23, 2008 at 5:56 am
I think it is interesting to see how men in different countries treat women from other countries differently than women from their own county! Many men in other countries think Swedish women are very liberated so you must have interesting stories when you travel! Lol.
In France for instance, Frenchmen love women that they think are exotic and exotic to them can be many things of course. For instance, women from Sweden are exotic to them just like women from South America.
Men in Paris would constantly stop and ask me if I was Brazilian! I would say, “No, I’m American.” and they would say, “Yes! South American!” When I would explain no the USA, they would look somewhat disappointed and say, “but you don’t look American!” So I would tell them, “Well, my parents are from Mexico.” They would say, “Ah! Mexican! Latin America!” and that would make them happy once again! LOL!
5 Lynn // Nov 23, 2008 at 5:58 am
Do Swedish men really treat Swedish women so differently? When I was going with Lars, he was very sweet, very attentive.
(Carlos seems to enjoy flirting more than the other three! Lol.)
6 Mia // Nov 23, 2008 at 9:47 pm
I think they do to a certain degree….
And besides you were exotic to him!
Had you been Swedish….a different story….
But I will not generalize….
(Yeah,he does..hehe….But I think he don’t do it as much as before..too many women take it seriously!)
7 Lynn // Nov 24, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Hmm…..interesting about Lars!
I can imagine that some of the women would! When you’re famous, young, and good looking, a lot of women will be accessible; if you’re flirty as well,…. well the temptation for many women would be irresistible! Lol.
8 Monica // Oct 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Hola, I was browsing around, searching if frenchmen are interested in american girls well mexican american. I thought the blog post was interesting, and made think differently on frenchmen. And yes I know this is an old blog post. Adios.
9 Lynn // Oct 11, 2011 at 6:57 pm
Monica, in general Frenchmen love women who are exotic and for many of them Mexican-American women are very exotic! Go for it!
10 Lisa // Feb 15, 2012 at 6:07 am
Hi,
I love this post and need your opinion.
I met a young, quiet French intern. Educated, soft spoken, polite and gentleman. He’s early 20’s, I’m mid 30’s and Asian. On the first night of our event he told us that he wanted to join us for dinner but instead he’s gone out with other friends. We didn’t really care as we’re much older and he might not feel comfortable.
On the second/last day, he started to come and sat next to me, refused to leave first and waited for me to finish my work so that we could leave together also bringing me tea/coffee during breaks. I noticed many times he came near me and tried to create conversation or small talk but never asked for my number. I met him again in the branch he’s having his training and again he left his place to talk to me for few minutes.
I gave him my card but nothing came from him either calls/emails.
What do you think about this? Also what do you think I should do?
Thanks.
11 Lynn // Feb 16, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Hi Lisa, from what I can tell, it seems he was interested in you, otherwise I don’t see why he was so attentive to you. It very well may be that he’s a bit shy or he thinks the age difference is an issue; perhaps not for him, but for you.
I suggest you make the next move by bringing him a cup of coffee, or starting up a conversation with him. Or you can send him an email asking him how he’s doing. The contact can be very casual (Bonjour, ça va?) nothing heavy, just enough to let him know that you’re interested.
We (people in general) give ourselves excuses for not doing something that we want to do and we talk ourselves out of so many great and missed opportunities! I say, it doesn’t hurt to try and you have nothing to lose by making the first move!
I hope that helps and wish you the best! (Let me know if things work out!)
12 Lisa // Feb 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm
Glad that you replied despite the long hiatus in the update
… thanks..
We spoke again and he was surprised to know that I’m mid 30’s… all this while he thought I’m 20’s.. he smiled and chuckled when I made silly remarks during our conversation but no further move from him… perhaps he’s just comfortable with me… at first I thought he’s gay coz I found his pics with a guy though not intimate but they could also be best friends…
Anyway, knowing him make me realize that I deserve a gentlemen as a companion and they really exist…
13 Lynn // Feb 17, 2012 at 8:10 pm
There are gentlemen out there! So don’t settle for anything less! They exist and I’m sure you deserve one!!! All the best!
14 Elle // Nov 3, 2012 at 5:52 am
Well, I am hanging out with a French guy I met through a friend. He is extremely nice and we get along pretty well. We’ve been doing a lot of fun and exciting activities together. He’s young and really shy which sometimes I don’t know how to act when I’m with him, if I need to be a little aggressive or what. Anyway, I’m giving him hints that I like him and the good thing he is starting to make his moves on me.
15 Elle // Nov 3, 2012 at 5:53 am
Well, I am hanging out with a French guy I met through a friend. He is extremely nice and we get along pretty well. We’ve been doing a lot of fun and exciting activities together. He’s young and really shy which sometimes I don’t know how to act when I’m with him, if I need to be a little aggressive or what. Anyway, I’m giving him hints that I like him and the good thing he is starting to make his moves on me. I mean I dated American guys before and I find French guys more interesting and simple irresistible.
16 Lynn // Nov 3, 2012 at 10:03 pm
Hi Elle, sure there are guys who are shy (French, American, or otherwise), but I don’t care how shy a guy is, if a girl lets him know she’s interested - he’ll act upon it. If he doesn’t, it’s because he isn’t interested or he isn’t available. This doesn’t seem to be your problem here. I mean if he’s “starting to make his moves” on you, then he got your message! (I agree, Frenchmen are simply irresistible!) Good luck!!!
17 Gringa // Nov 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm
Hello! I read the exchanges of this long conversation and it interests me to know so much about french guys. I have met one online though and we’ve been exchanging messages for two months now. We talk everyday and mutually liked each other but the distance between us makes it impossible to pursue more. He recently said he adores me. Does that makes sense to hope for a something more or i just let it go steady? I was never told by anyone like that.
18 Lynn // Nov 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Gringa, meeting online and long distance romances are possible! That’s how I met Patrick years ago (he’s French) and we’re still together! Times have changed and it’s a way that many people meet nowadays!
As for him telling you, “I adore you.” (or if he said, “Je t’adore.”) I would need to know in what context he told you that to get more insight. In general, it doesn’t carry as much meaning as an English speaking person saying it because the verb adore is used quite often here in France whereas it’s not used as often in the States.
Still, any way you look at it, him telling you he adores you (for whatever reason) is good!!! Best of luck!
19 Bubbles // Feb 18, 2013 at 4:12 am
Hi. I met a french guy online 2 months ago. He is fluent in english and been living in HK for almost a year now for his job. After 2 weeks of constant communication, he asked me to meet him in HK for 1 day. He paid for the ticket and all. We have a connection even in person and 2 days after that meeting he asked me to be his girlfriend. After a week I went to see him again and stayed a few days in his place. he paid for my ticket again. I guess my question is.. are french guys really that fast moving in a relationship? He said he is never this early committed with a girl but he hasn’t tell me he love me either.
20 Lynn // Feb 18, 2013 at 7:51 am
Bubbles, there’s no right answer to this question. Each relationship is different, some couples fall in love at first sight (yes it happens!) and some fall in love slowly. You say he bought your ticket to HK for a day and then a week later he bought you another ticket, but you don’t say from where! If he’s buying you a plane ticket, let’s say, from New York City to HK, I would say that just the distance and the expense would ‘more than likely’ show real interest. (No guarantees!) On the other hand, if he’s buying you a ferry ticket from Macau to Hong Kong, then I would say maybe he’s a fast mover. Do you see what I mean?
Still, that’s doesn’t mean just because you’re coming from a short distance that he’s not really invested in you emotionally, but only you can answer that! What does your intuition tell you? Strange how our intuition is always right, but our brain constantly fights to convince us otherwise to believe in what we want to hear, rather than what we instinctively know.
As I stated in the beginning, there’s no real answer to your question, some Frenchmen move very quickly and some move rather slowly. They’re just like men everywhere, except they’re more charming! (It’s true!) Yes, they flirt more easily than men from other countries (except Italian men!) but as for moving fast in a relationship, I think it depends on their feelings toward the woman concerned. Of course, you don’t want to mistake emotional attachment with sexual attraction!
(I hope that helps!)
21 Airotciv // Apr 13, 2013 at 8:57 am
Hey! I really liked your post. Maybe you could give me some advice.
I live is a student house, and there is a cute french guy! When I first arrived we used to talk a lot and he seemed interested,,now e are not talking that often but my friends said he looks in a different way to me, but he does nothing! Do you think I should make the first move? It is because I am very shy, and guess he also is. It is difficult. Or maybe he is just not that into me. Help me if you can! (by the way, I am south american - Brazil - haha) cheers!
22 Lynn // Apr 15, 2013 at 10:35 am
Airotciv, I know how difficult it is when you’re shy, but as you get older the only regrets in life (for me) has been when I didn’t take action. If the two of you use to talk all the time, then start a conversation with him. Don’t wait for him to come to you, you take that first step and I don’t mean just once. By doing that, he’ll know you’re interested. You have nothing to lose!
If he doesn’t make a move, then you’ll know. But at least you won’t be wondering what could have been. Jean Cocteau said, “The French are Italians in a bad mood.” Sometimes they brood (for whatever reason) but it doesn’t mean they’re not interested.
Good luck with your French guy! By the way, Frenchmen have this myth about Brazilian women, so you’re already ahead of the game!
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