I wrote the other day that as an Independent voter, I may just go ahead and write Oprah’s name down for President for the simple reason that I just don’t care for any of the candidates running. Well several friends asked me if I would really do it!
The answer is: No! Don’t get me wrong, I like Oprah…..sometimes. She has a lot of good qualities, but do those qualities make for a good president? Let’s see….
- She’ll stop all the bickering! Not only will Blacks and women vote for her, but because she’s powerful and rich, wealthy white men identify with her as well, so she’s a shoo-in!
- She could bring an end to both the Iraq and the Afghanistan Wars starting with taking Arab women out of their chadors and burkas and putting them into designer clothes.
- She can get us out of our National Debt by footing the bill herself.
- If she can lead the world on a spiritual path for a New Earth, then why not the country on a path to a New Nation. (Whatever that means!)
- Health Care for everyone may take time, but she could begin by making The Oprah Magazine free for everybody. This way we could find out how to pick the best hairstyle for our face, or how to get gorgeous legs in no time at all, and then who cares about high blood pressure and bad cholesterol.
- Nate Berkus can be her Vice-President and everybody will learn how to turn their ugly homes into beautiful ones and no one will have trouble buying and selling their houses.
- She could turn the economy around having Suze Orman as her Economic Advisor and give every worker a raise that she’ll pay for herself.
- Education will automatically get a boost by making Oprah’s Bookclub a requirement in all schools.
- Taxes will be cut for everyone except for the wealthy, and all her rich entertainer friends, and colleagues, must perform benevolently at least once a year with all proceeds going to make up for our tax cuts because no one can say “no” to Oprah.
- Everybody’s work day will end early so there’s no excuse not to watch her show which she’ll broadcast directly from the White House. Or else she’ll give free TiVos to every household.
- Illegal Immigration will be stopped by Oprah building a ninety foot wall all along our borders and footing the bill herself.
- Everything Oprah touches turns to gold; so with Oprah as President she’ll woo all the other countries, and the United States will no longer have any political enemies in the world. If there are any holdouts, she’ll just buy the country and make it one of our territories.
- John Travolta will be her pilot on Air Force One; he’ll work for free (because he loves to fly) and she’ll pay her own gas.
- She’ll pass a law making all large corporations part of her Big Give.
- She’ll make her friend Gayle King Ambassador to France so Americans can have a first hand account to all the soap opera shananigans going on with the Sarkozy administration.
Maya Muses: All that sounds pretty good for making Oprah the next president, but I still say, Noprah to Oprah! The way I see it, if Oprah has found all the answers to Life, then why does she still have a weight problem?
Photo Credits: Flickr